New Release - Call on Me

Whoo hoo!  I have a new book release.

Book 1 in The Mackay Sisters two book series.  This one is Ali, the older sister's story.

BLURB 

 

Ali Mackay has dated some real losers in her search for a man who will love her for herself, plus-size and all.

Ty ‘Ghost’ Sinclair regularly rides to her rescue, he always has done ever since school.

But after one unexpectedly hot encounter between the two best friends, can Ghost convince Ali to give their relationship a go, or will her fear of changes ruin everything?

~*~

It's available in different ebook formats at Smashwords, All Romance eBooks , and Amazon.com.

 The print edition will hopefully be available soon.  Keep your eyes on the website if you're looking for the print version.

YES!!!!!  (not that I'm over-excited or anything, but...ISN'T THE COVER AWESOME?!)

LOL

Painting Fiasco and Evie Update

Okay, so here we are again, it’s now May. I just cannot fathom what happened to April, I swear it was there one minute, gone the next. What happened to it? I tried to find it, even checked under my bed, but all that was there were some dust bunnies and a cat fur ball. Awesome…one of the joys of being a cat owner. It kind of comes with the territory of never being hair-free on your good clothes or your work clothes. Even my workmates crack jokes about me hacking up a hairball if I even so much as cough.

 

So what’s happened over April? Well, our old air con finally conked out, kaput, went to the big freeze in the sky. This necessitated the need for a new one before next summer, and that led to having to have the old one pulled out, which led to a big hole in the wall, which needed to be closed up and you get the picture. So the handyman came and took it out, and replaced the hardy-boards on the outside and the gyprock on the inside, and I only had to paint the bit of wall that was replaced.



Let me first say that the outside wall looks great. The painting went well. Awesome. The inside started off well, the paint matched…until it dried. Then I was horrified to find it was actually a little darker. I was even more horrified because on the perfectly good wall adjoining, I’d accidentally smeared some white undercoat and seeing as how the paint matched and all, I’d happily rollered some new paint over the white, which hid it well, but when it dried – ye gods!

So Mum and I decided I’d paint halfway down the wall, but then I had to paint halfway down the other wall due to my fix-it-job-that-wasn’t, and then neither wall matched in length so we decided I’d just paint both small corner walls and it’d be fine. Unfortunately, we didn’t realise we had to rub out the faint pencil mark we’d been using as a guide and so if you look closely enough, the pencil mark is – lo and behold! – there. No one looks in that corner so we figure we’re fine.

I have yet to inform my mother about the paint dab I found on the curtain. I figure that can wait another month or so…

 

And then there’s the on-going saga of Evie, aka Eve of Destruction. 


Evie has developed the habit of getting up on the laundry cupboard and then meowing pitifully for someone to please get her down, she’s frightened and can’t possibly do it on her own. So starts the whole thing of one of us going into the laundry and telling the little darling that yes, we understand, and pookykins can jump on our backs, yes she can, yes she can! And we bend over obligingly and pat our backs. Whereupon she smooches the tissue boxes and packets of spare toilet rolls and looks cute and coy and….you get the picture.

So yesterday I went to get some toilet rolls down to put in the loo, and I pulled down the packet and – it was raining confetti. I kid you not, it looked like it was snowing in the laundry. I had ripped up toilet roll in my hair, on the floor, over the washing machine. Yep, Evie had been up there on and off all this time, looking cute and coy and SHREDDING THE TOILET ROLLS!



That cat is evil!!!!!!! She didn’t even have the good grace to look even a teeny, tiny bit ashamed! No, she just strutted out into the back room, ran up the door onto a cupboard and proceeded to meow pitifully because she couldn’t possibly get down all by herself…

*sigh*

RANT: New Computer & Technology

Normally I leave my rants for this blog only, but I had to share the below post in my newsletter, and now I'm putting it here along with some updates.  So read on about my computer battle!!!!

 So anyway, not only has time been clapping along, but my loyal old laptop gave a choked cry and half tipped over onto its back, little keys waving weakly, warning me of impending doom.  It was literally on its last legs.  My old laptop was finally dying. 

This, of course, meant I had to find a new computer.  So off I went to the shop for a gander, and lo and behold, there was this nifty desk top, all in one, WI FI keyboard and everything.  Sweet, narrow desktop.  I chatted to the salesman and next thing, me and my new PC are trotting out to the car, the PC in the arms of the salesman. 

 

Then everything starts to unravel.  I should have gotten the hint when he asked, “So, what was your last PC program?”

“OH, XP,” I blithely answer.

“Oh,” he said, a little surprised (I know, ‘cause I saw his eyes go wide), “Oh, well, there have been some changes since then.  This is Windows 8, so you’ve missed a couple of steps.”

Ya think?  I felt a little perturbed, but not really daunted.  “I see,” I said.  Poor deluded fool that I am.  I had no idea.

It got better (or worse, depending on your POV).  As the salesman is putting the PC in the back of the ute, he says, “The touch screens make things so much easier.  Just flick through things, blah blah blah.”

The last ‘blah blah blah’ sounded just like that to me.  Touch screen?  Holy cow, I don’t even have a mobile phone, so touch screen?  SERIOUSLY?

Now, before you look at me all judgemental, I didn’t touch the PC in the shop.  I was brought up to look, not touch.  So I looked, I asked questions, and the PC only had the desktop showing when I LOOKED at it.  The salesman obviously thought I knew more about technology than I do, and he looked shell-shocked when I said, “Touch screen?  I don’t even have a mobile phone!”  (I think he was shocked at the mobile phone statement).

“OH,” he said.  “Ummm…we’ll, you’ll find things  a little different.”

YA THINK?!

“But play around with it, use it, you’ll get the hang of it.”  I think he might have almost ran back to the shop.

So I’m still thinking everything will be cool, I can handle a PC.  I’ve had computers, it’s no big deal.

 

 

Well let me tell you – IT’S A FREAKIN’ BIG DEAL!  This freakin’ PC has two sorts of desktop thingies – these APP things that I don’t use, I didn’t know how to turn off the music if I wanted to, and it took me a whole day to find the desktop and use it properly.  I’m still learning.  I’ve had this thing for three weeks now, and hallelujah!  I found out how to stop the music…today.  TODAY, PEOPLE!  And this thing doesn’t take CDs.  The sacrilege!  NO CD?????  The only thing that saved it from certain death was the fact I can use a thumb drive on it.  And broadband.  Yes, I admit to all and sundry, I have not succumbed to WI FI.  I am paranoid, proudly paranoid, and I don’t want anyone parking themselves in front of my house, downloading all my info via their WI FI.  Or my WI FI.  Or someone’s WI FI.  I don’t know.  I just know I saw a program about hackers and…well, I’m paranoid.  Hey, you’re talking to someone who doesn’t do internet banking, either, so laugh all you want, I’m happy in my paranoid little world.

Anyway, there were more insults on the way.  Windows 8 doesn’t have Outlook Express!  I had to buy and download Outlook, and you think that program is easy?  OMG!  I nearly died!  Took me a day to work out folders and stuff, and even now I get lost.  I have no idea if this newsletter will get to everyone or if it will eat all the pics.  I DON’T KNOW!  Then I didn’t have WORD, and I need WORD for my writing, so I bought and downloaded WORD and you know what?  Every time I go on the freakin’ PC, it apparently is still downloading WORD OFFICE (or whatever the h*** it’s called) in the background.  Three weeks it’s been 89% downloaded.  I don’t care.  I DON’T CARE!  You know why?  Because WORD is on my desktop and I’m able to use it anyway, so I DON’T CARE THAT IT’S TAKING THREE WEEKS AND STILL GOING TO DOWNLOAD IT! 

Obviously Windows 8 is slower – that’s technology for you!

 

 

Add insult to injury, people (no, my whine and temper tantrum isn’t over), but Windows 8 does not support yahoo, so I can’t get onto my website and update it.  Won’t do it.  Won’t support it.  Found that out after scrolling through yahoo looking for answers.

So the only way I can do EVERYTHING I want is to get rid of Windows 8 and the APPS, and upload the old XP.  WHICH I COULD DO IF THIS PC HAD CD ACCESS!  Argh!!!!!!!

At least I can write on it and get emails.  I’m working pretty simple at the moment and still finding things out.  I still have my other old laptop that I can use for backup and get onto the website, but I’m having issues with that old laptop, too.  It keeps kicking me off most of the websites I go to.  Just boots me off.  I’ve had it repaired, but it still does the same thing.  It’s about 6 years old, so maybe it’s lived its life, I don’t know, but it looks like I need a new back up.  ‘Cause apparently I’m made of money!!!!!  NOT!

I know one thing, when I finally get a backup, I’m taking my XP CD with me, and telling the salesman that before I take another computer out of his shop, they need to get rid of the current program and upload Windows XP for me!  He might need CPR after I break that news to him, but it’s a small price to pay!!!!!

 

UPDATE!

In the last two days there has been progress!  I have since learned that apparently I had about 15 documents (I kid you not) open, and have learned how to close them.  During a temper tantrum and lots of swearing.  My my, how easy it turned out to be.  Only got 8 more grey hairs doing it.  I also found some snazzy games I enjoy doing on the PC, and have worked out how to close photos.  It's amazing how much stuff you can have open at once, on apparently an empty screen.  Go figure.

The download for Office has disappeared.  Maybe it finally finished?  Maybe 3 weeks was enough?

However, I still can't get into my website - curse you Windows 8 & yahoo incompatibility! - so there is that grinding pain in my bum.  And I'm not talking about my sciatica, either.

Someone had the nerve to point out that I'm showing my age and not being able to keep up with technology.  Yes, my mother.  Ye gods!  I quite firmly told her that I only take from technology what interests me and I can use, and I leave the rest of the stuff behind.  I WANT SIMPLE, PEOPLE, SIMPLE!

HOW MANY TIMES MUST I SAY IT?  IF IT ISN'T BROKEN, DON'T FIX THE *&^%$#@! THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

 

 

Evie - Mini-Mum & Mayhem

Evie does some weird and wonderful things, there’s no doubt about it.  But lately she’s started to top even our expectations.  How?  Quite simply, Evie has turned into Mini -Mum, in other words, she is starting to imitate my Mum, Evie’s beloved Granny.

This strange behaviour occurs at night time, when both of them are tucked up in their bed.  Evie is in her usual place, starting the night facing her beloved Granny, her little head resting in Granny’s hand as she drifts off into the sleep of the…*choke*…innocent.

I can’t believe I really said that.  Evie and innocent in the same sentence.  Seriously?

Anyway, they start off that way.  Now, before I go to sleep I’ll usually do a last check to see where the animals are, a last check of the door, etc.  And yes, that’s when I first saw the strange, new phenomena.

Mum was lying on her side, fast asleep, hands tucked up near her cheek.  Evie was lying on the bed, on her same side, her little paws tucked up near her furry cheek.  Now I thought this was quite cute and didn’t think anything of it, until the next few checks.

Must you spy on me when I'm having my beauty sleep?

See, if I have to go to the loo during the night, I still check where Evie is before I go to bed because if anyone is going to get locked in the loo, it’ll be Evie.  So the check during the night revealed Mum lying on her back, fast asleep.  Next to her, lying on her little back, fast asleep, is Evie.

This continued.  Every night, every check, Evie would be in the exact same position her beloved Granny was in.  What the…?  Were they joined by invisible strings?  I kid you not.  And it continues to this very day.  During the night, if Mum is curled up on her side, so is Evie - same side, same position.  Mum on her back - Evie on her back.  Mum on her other side - Evie on her other side.  Same position, same side, facing the same way.  It’s uncanny.

Then again, it is Evie, and she’s freakin’ uncanny sometimes!

Apart from that, Evie’s her usual naughty self.  (I know, what a shock).  The other day I had to go out to an appointment and had just locked up when Evie hooned past me doing sixty miles an hour and proceeded to bounce all over the poor old cats.  DT and Tori squinted their eyes and hunched up, and there was no chance I could leave them to Evie’s nefarious tendencies, so the only thing I could do was shut her in Mum’s bedroom until Mum got home, which was about half an hour.

It all sounds so simple, doesn’t it? 

I went to get Evie, she hooned past me the other way, I missed grabbing her as she swerved around me and then she shot through the cat hole with me yelling threats behind her.  She then proceeded to peer through the cat hole at me, big eyes glinting evilly, mayhem on her mind.

Helping her beloved Granny measure some material.



Whereas I was going to be to my appointment on time, now I feared I would be late.  Swearing, I unlocked the door and tried to grab Evie as she raced around the back veranda (it’s trellised in, so she can’t get out).  Evie yelled back at me threateningly ‘Come near me and YOU’LL BE SORRY!’ and dived under the little cat hammock.  I reached for her and she hissed at me.

The little bugger.  She has no shame, really, she has NO shame!

I grabbed her, dragged her out and she hung pathetically in my hand (until she saw the old cats, then her ears perked up) while I took her to Mum’s room and shut her inside.

Mum said when she got home, Evie was on the bed, little paws curled under her, looking all sweet as Mum entered.  Evie doing the sweet Sphinx pose.  I am so not surprised.

So, you’d be forgiven for thinking that she’d probably had enough by now, but no, we had one more scene to go through.  This was the Evie Is Done Wrong By.

Evie Is Done Wrong By happened not long after and was caused by me.  Yes, apparently I was the one at fault.

I’d just finished sweeping the house and had torn up an old box (you can see where this is going, can’t you?) and put it on the back veranda to go out to the bin.  After a few minutes, I went out to do so and who did I find sitting mournfully in the box, but Evie.

Yes, Evie, her big eyes sad, her little whiskers drooping.  The following kind of happened like this (I swear, that cat can’t speak actual words, but the expressions weren’t far off this).

Me: What?

Evie: You tore up my BOX!

Me: You have plenty of boxes.

Evie: But not like THIS one!

Me: You don’t even like this box.

Evie: Do to!

Me: No, you don’t.  Remember when I gave it to you?  I tore out the little hole for you and all so you could get your lanky little body in there?  Well, you got into it, sniffed, and then walked out.

Evie: So?

Me:  You spurned it.  You spurned the box.

Evie: So?

Me: THIS box.  The one you’re all upset about.

Evie: You tore up my box.

Me: But you don’t like this box!

Evie: So?  I like it now!

Me: You have three other boxes you play in.  You never touch this one.

Evie: I want to touch it now.

Me: You are touching it.  You’re sitting in it, see?

Evie: But you tore it up.

Cue big sad eyes.

I tell you, this cat drives me crazy!

But there’s more!

It's all lies, I tell you!!



This morning the bedroom door shut.  No one in the house but me.  Did I freak out?  Did I have visions of Paranormal Activity?  No.  I knew the culprit.  Yes, I opened the door, and yes, Evie was sitting there.

Evie: You shut me in.

Me: I did not.

Evie: You shut the door.

Me: No, you did.

Evie: No, I didn’t.

Me: You were hanging off Mum’s cardigan again, weren’t you?

Evie: What cardigan?

Me:  The one on the back of the door.

Evie: So?

Me:  So you were swinging on it again and your weight on the door shut it.

Evie: What’s your point?

Me: I think we’re going in circles here.

Evie: You shut the door on me.

I need more Diet Coke.  LOT’S more Diet Coke!

The Virgin Sex Queen - new release!

Yes!  The Virgin Sex Queen, my latest BBW romance, has been released.

How hot is that cover?  Thank you Joleen Naylor!

~*~

BLURB

Two weeks of lust and laughter…

Sophie Willow - erotic romance writer, experienced, the ultimate Sex Queen.  Unfortunately, it’s all in her head - the experienced part, that is.

Alan Cooper - this cute cop has discovered her secret, and he reckons he’s just the man to give her the experience she needs.

Will two weeks be enough, or will it leave them wanting more?

~*~

The excerpt is available at my website

Now available in ebook from Amazon.com   Smashwords.com and

All Romance eBooks .  Available soon in print. 

Also available in the near future on Nook at Barnes and Noble.

~*~

So now I'm already plotting the next book, and have ideas for the second as well.  YES!

Time, Coy Thesaurus and Stuff

Time is just going way too fast.  I’m sure I only blogged last week, but alas, a peek at the date had me blushing.

Oops.

I don’t quite know what to blame it on.  The heat?  Work?  The government?  The queues at the supermarket checkout?  The fact that I have to get out of bed to face the heat?  (Wait a minute, I’ve already done the weather.  Scratch that last excuse - I mean reason).  Writing?

Okay, writing could be one reason, but it’s not all the reason.  So what is the reason?  I have no freakin’ idea.  Time just gallops along and leaves me choking in its dust.

Which reminds me, please don’t get me started on dust.  We’ve been having winds in Geraldton (the town of sun, surf and bl***y wind)  and it decided to blow directly at us.  There’s a house being built just diagonally across the road from us.  We now have more of their yellow dirt than they have for their cement pad, so we may have to shovel it up off our driveway and wheelbarrow it back across the road to them.

Seriously.

The clothes line fell down.  There was no sign of it going to do so.  Mum  went out there, opened the gate for the lawnmower man, came back around and there you go - clothesline lying on the ground needing CPR.  I almost needed CPR when I came home from work and she told me.  My first thought was - ‘Oh crap.’  Then I took a look at it lying dead on the paving and the next thought was ‘Now what the heck do we do?’  Our neighbour, God bless him, came to our rescue.  The man is a whiz, I tell you.  Now we have a clothesline again, standing proudly upright, our undies flying in the wind.

Speaking of CPR, our lawnmower man almost needed it when he saw our little patch of lawn.  See, we only have a small area, so we don’t use too much water, and it’s mainly for the dogs.  Only the dogs don’t lie on it, the birds do.  Yes, those free-loaders who eat the seed we put out, bath in the water in the bowls we put out and the birdbath, and then proceed to sit on our lawn and poop their seed speckled poop on our lawn and fluff their wings and think life is just grand.  Lucky little buggers.

Anyway, the lawn was looking a bit the worse for wear (what a weird saying, huh?), so I decided to sprinkle a healthy dose of Bailey’s Lawn feed on it, and it always comes up awesomely.  Too awesomely, sometimes.  I stand there, proudly looking out at the jungle that’s now deep green and thigh-high, and the lawnmower man comes around and nearly collapses.  Then he proceeds to laugh, a little hysterically, when I tell him I’ve just given it “a little fertilizing’.

As Mum told him, it’s his fault for giving us the hint about Bailey’s being a great lawn fertilizer.  To his credit, the man keeps coming back.  However he had a little chat to us about our lawn, and now it’s neatly trimmed and I haven’t touched the fertilizer, though my fingers itch to do so with the brown patches from the heat.  I mean, really?  Not even a little fertilizer…?  Yes, good bloke that he is, he simply laughs (again a little hysterically), says ‘No!’ and duly comes back to mow the lawn.

You know, I never got the idea of planting, watering, fertilizing lawn, only to chop it down.  Thigh high and green?  What’s wrong with that?  No, we can’t find the dogs or the birds in it, but it’s green, right?  That has to be a good thing…

There was a fight in the neighbourhood the other night - slamming doors, yelling, swearing, you get the idea.  I was going to check it out because there was nothing to watch on the telly, but all was dark. 

Now I know what you’re thinking, why was I going to watch?  Please, if you’re going to fight in public without a care for who you disturb on a hot, summer night, then you can expect to be looked at.  It’s like talking loudly on your mobile phone in public.  It’s no longer a private issue, so I have every right to listen.  That’s all I’ll say on that subject!

So there, I’ve shown a bit of my dark side.  *blushing but looking defiant*  That secret is out of the bag.  But trust me, when fights happen on and off, you get a little tired of it and hey, I couldn’t sleep with the racket.  I won’t tell you how freakin’ long it went on for - oh yes, why the heck not?  It stopped about 5am the following morning.  Don’t get me started on a rant about that!

Talking of rants - so I’ve been watching My Kitchen Rules and Master Chef: The Professionals.  Seriously, people, what’s with the attitudes?  How can some of you be so nasty?  Don’t you know you’re being watched by millions?  YOUR MOTHER IS WATCHING YOU!  You know what’ll happen if she sees you being a total drongo on national TV, don’t you?  You’ll get THE LOOK.  And all we kids know what THE LOOK is about.  It’s a universal expression that makes you grin a little sheepishly and go ‘What?  Wha…..?  What did I do?”  and whine like a little kid.  Yes, you know you do!  Your mother could be ninety five and you could be seventy five, but guarantee if she gives you THE LOOK, you’ll immediately cringe.  THE LOOK can cow anybody!

So, I’ve been writing like crazy to meet my personal deadline of having my next book released in April sometime.  Geez, about 8 weeks…and I’m only on chapter 2.  Torturing myself much?  Anyway, apart from being stupid, I’ve discovered something else.  My computer thesaurus is coy.  Yes, it is!  I type in some words to see if I can get another word meaning the same, and it gets all coy and tries to tell me it doesn’t recognise the word.

I didn’t know computer thesauruses were shy.  Or maybe it’s just mine.  But type in ‘Buxom’ or ‘Boob’ or ‘erotic’ and it coyly replies ‘Not Found’.  Not found?  What kind of thesaurus is it?  So just for the hell of it, I went further and typed in some anatomical parts - ‘Not Found.’  It couldn’t even give me ‘derriere’ until I added it.  I have to resort to my trusty old paperback thesaurus, which is tatty and falling apart, and unfortunately is well-thumbed and falls open at sections I use often for finding naughty, or seductive, words for my books  (just hope my mother never sees it).

Which just goes to show that computers can’t do everything, and they can be a little shy at times.  Learn something new every day.

So I’ve rambled and wandered, and actually that’s pretty much how the last month has been.  I couldn’t tell you what I’ve done apart from work, whine, write, whine, work, melt in the heat, whine, annoy my mother, and whine again… I’m sure you get the picture.

Evie Refusing to Write for Me so I Can Read

I could be good and say ‘My New Year’s Resolution is to make regular weekly entries on my blog’ but we all know I’d be lying.  No sense setting myself up for a fall, don’t you agree?  So let’s just say I’ll try a little harder to be a bit more regular with the blog, and I won’t even need Sultana Bran to be so!

Next Time: Evie aka Mini-Me/Mini-Mum

  

EVIE STRIKES YET AGAIN!

I swear that cat is trying to get me.  She has the most evil plots afoot.  With a devious little mind like that inside her cute head, no wonder she thinks visitors are out to GET HER.

Yes, Eve of Destruction, aka Evil Evie, is also Paranoid.  Let me explain.

Evie on top of the FORBIDDEN cupboard

You’d think evenings sitting down to watch TV would be peaceful.  Some nights they are, other nights they’re not.  It all depends on Evie’s mood.  You see, she thinks her beloved Granny and her Imbecile Auntie (that’d be me, and I’m sure that’s what she thinks I am) sit down to watch TV for HER amusement.  Yes, that’s right - Evie’s amusement.  Because we all know it’s ALL ABOUT EVIE (and if you didn’t know then, you should do by now).

We sit down, get comfortable, and become engrossed in a film.  That’s Evie’s cue.  She comes wandering around the corner, stops, looks us over, and that glint comes into her eye.  I swear, you can see it.  She looks from us to the TV.

“Ignore her,” Mum says as soon as I start to cast sideways looks at Evie.  “It’s just what she wants.”

“She’s going to jump near the TV,” I reply, watching Evie trot around the lounge and eye off the TV.

AM NOT, Evie says, stropping importantly away on her scratching post.  Strop strop strop.

“Ignore her,” repeats Mum.  “When you’re at work and I’m home alone with her, I ignore her behaviour and she doesn’t jump anywhere.”

“Okay.”  As you can guess, I’m a little dubious, but we’ll give it a try.

Oh boy.  Within seconds, Evie is up behind the TV.  Bravely we try to ignore her, more than conscious of the four little white feet trotting up and down behind the TV on the cabinet. 

Then those four little feet stop moving.  Uh-oh.  She’s balanced on the edge of the cabinet and those front paws lift off…

“Get her!”  Mum yells.  “Angie, stop her!”

“I thought she didn’t do this!”  I catapult out of the sofa and run for the TV.  “You said-”

“Never mind that!  Stop her!  Quick!”

Now please, I’m not built for quick.  But no worries, Evie hears me pounding across the lounge (geez, it’s only a small lounge, but give me a break!  I’m dodging a couple of other cats and their big cushion that lies on the floor) and she lets out a ‘MROWR!' and waits to see me.

I peek over the top edge of the TV (flat screen) and she’s staring back up at me. 

Now here’s the kicker.  Her new thing, when stirring me up, is to spit at me, yell and slap me.  And all I’ve done so far is try to reach out for her!  So it starts.

“Come here, you little-”

SPIT!

“When I get my hands on you-”

MROWR!

“Think you’re so damned smart and-”

SLAP SLAP SLAP!

“@!&^%$!!!!”

By now her mouth is open, her eyes are like big marbles, her tail is swishing and it’s all SO MUCH FUN!!!!

I bend over and peek under the bottom edge of the TV, only to be startled, the last time, to find a little pink nose, white chin, bristling whiskers and one golden eye staring back at me.

The little annoying freak is peeking back at me, checking out where I am!

So this happens every freakin’ time Evie thinks a quiet evening watching TV should be livened up.  Because she’s BORED and we should be ENTERTAINING HER.

But she really did us a good one the other night.  After a couple of hours of her being naughty, getting so over-excited she had to go in the Sin Bin (bathroom) for time out - three times in half an hour, I kid you not - Mum and I had gone to our respective beds to read before going to sleep.  It was all peaceful, quiet (I should have known better) and then SMASH!!!!!!!

I leaped out of bed and ran into the lounge, and there was Evie, atop the lounge room cupboard, all agog and staring down at the photo frame she’d knocked off the cupboard and onto the floor in her very illegal move of jumping from behind the TV up onto the cupboard.  Which she knows is FORBIDDEN! 

HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT GOT THERE, she informs me.  FELL OFF.  ISN’T THAT ODD?

The little turkey.  So now Mum and I are picking up glass off the floor and a broken frame, and wouldn’t you know it?  Down from above comes this pathetic little MEOW because Evie is now stuck up on the cupboard and could we please rescue her?

So I do my usual.  I bend over and present my back, she jumps down onto me and happily bounces off to find MORE ADVENTURES.  Because the lounge has become BORRRRRING!!!

TV bottom left, Evie on the FORBIDDEN cupboard.  See the photo frame top shelf left?  It is now dead.  Very dead.

Give me strength.

Her other latest trick is to hang off any item of clothing that is laid across the backrest of a chair.  It’s obviously there to provide Evie with amusement, and even more amusement if she can get us stirred up about it and chase her.  Oh yes, that’s great fun!

And she comes back for more!

So with a mind like that, is it any wonder that she is paranoid that people are out to get her?

This is what I mean.

Evie will be slumped on my writing desk, watching me file papers, write, do emails, pretty much anything she can see, touch, or destroy, all while getting little kisses between the ears (yes, I’m sad and pathetic and a pushover), and she hears something.  I know immediately that someone is coming, even if the windows and doors are shut and the aircon on (it’s summer Down Under, and freakin’ hot and humid), because Evie gets all big eyed, shoots upright from slouch to sitting-on-alert within 1.2 seconds, and then she hightails it out the back.

No doubt about it, a knock will sound on the door.  Evie won’t come back in until whoever it is has gone.

ARE THE BAD PEOPLE GONE?  She asks, little nose quivering as she pokes it around the corner of the back room door.  GONNA EAT ME, THEY WERE, she informs us, sitting between the back room and the little dining room.  HAD TO HIDE FROM THEM.  She nervously enters and peers around.  SURE THEY’RE GONE?  OKAY THEN.

She’s also our guard dog.  If anyone comes to the door, not only does she run, but sometimes she growls as well!  One night she starlted us by giving a very dog-like sounding bark. 

I tell you, that cat does some strange things! 

But you know what?  We wouldn’t part with her for all the money in the world.  Our lives would be way too quiet and predictable!  Now if I can only figure out what she did with that twist tie that she took off the kitchen bench…